Reduce Your Anxiety by Changing Your Faulty Thinking
(Part 2 of 2)

Here are the last five faulty ways of thinking:

  1. MAGNIFICATION (CATASTROPHIZING) OR MINIMIZATION: You exaggerate the importance of things (such as your goof-up or someone else's achievement), or you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny (your own desirable qualities or other fellow's imperfections). This is also called the "binocular trick."

    2. "Sara" was trying to get her teacher certification, and she flunked the test the first time around. When she came to see me for counseling, she was emotionally distraught about it. "Why did I think I could be a teacher?" she cried to me. "Perhaps I should just give up now. Maybe I could be a hair dresser," she glumly reasoned to me.

    When I asked her about being a teacher, it was clear that she was passionate about her dream, and really wanted to teach.

    I pointed out to her that she was "catastrophizing" the notion that flunking the test was "proof" she wasn't meant to be a teacher. "Plenty of people flunk tests once, or more, when they first try," I told her. "While it's discouraging, it's not the end of your dream to be a teacher."

    Sara relaxed, and decided to work with me to identify ways to study smarter and take the test better, so she could increase her chances of passing it the next time. And, when she took the test a second time, she passed. She was thrilled!

    If you're tempted to "catastrophize" the events in your life, take a step back and examine the situation more clearly. You may be exaggerating how terrible the situation is. Conversely, don't minimize a situation, either. Reason it out; you can decide how to solve any situation with your common sense.

  2. EMOTIONAL REASONING: You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: "I feel it, therefore it must be true."

    3. Like my client "David." He thought that, just because he was scared to fly on a plane, it was "evidence" that his plane ride would end in disaster.

    He was using faulty thinking. Just because he was scared to get on the plane didn't mean he was suddenly psychic, and could predict with accuracy what would happen to the plane.

    Now, David was motivated to get on that plane because he was going to fly to Maryland to meet his new, baby grandson for the first time. So, he and I worked on creating greater calm and confidence for his flight by using hypnosis.

    While he still had some anxiousness when he flew, he now knew it was his fears that had made him think his plane ride was going to end in disaster. Instead, when he returned from Maryland, David shared with me what a profound joy it was to meet his grandson, and showed me pictures.

    Just because you have a strong feeling about something doesn't mean you know how the situation will turn out. Work, instead, to use relaxation techniques to calm yourself so you can handle the event better. Recognize that just because you have strong feelings about something, doesn't make it necessarily so.

  3. SHOULD STATEMENTS: You try to motivate yourself with "should" and "shouldn't," as if you had to be whipped and punished before you could be expected to do anything. "Musts" and "oughts" are also offenders. The emotional consequences are guilt. When you direct "should" statements toward others, you feel anger, frustration, and resentment.

    4. I have a client, "Sally," who was invited to a birthday party for "Ben," who often treated her badly in the past. Ben and Sally happened to have a lot of friends in common, and these friends were all going to attend Ben's party.

    Sally felt a lot of pressure to attend because her friends were going. "My friends won't understand why I'm not there. I really feel I should attend," she said, her shoulders slumping.

    Sally was "shoulding" on herself – making herself feel good and guilty for wanting to stay away from Ben, who disrespected her.

    In our counseling together I helped Sally understand that she had a personal right to stay away from someone who treated her badly. And, I pointed out that if her friends really liked her, they'd accept the fact that she didn't want to go. So, when she declined to attend the party, it turned out her friends were fine with her decision.

    Pay attention if you're trying to force yourself to do something you really don't want to do. Ask yourself, do I really need to? Sometimes you do need to follow through on an event, or task, even if you don't really want to. But, sometimes you're just being hard on yourself and you can let go, relax, and stop beating yourself up!

  4. LABELING & MISLABELING: This is an extreme form of overgeneralization. Instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself. "I'm a loser." When someone else's behavior rubs you the wrong way, you attach a negative label to him. Mislabeling involves describing an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded.

    5. When my client Jerry broke up with his girlfriend, he called himself just that: "I'm a loser," he moaned. "Nobody wants to be with me."

    Jerry was over-exaggerating the meaning of the break-up. "Plenty of people break up in relationships every day," I said. "It's the risk we take when we start dating someone. The relationship may fizzle, or you might find ‘Ms. Right' and then you'll be glad you took the risk."

    Don't over-exaggerate your "errors" in life. Describe those "failures" in a more neutral way; learn from them, and move on. Don't get discouraged by your failures. It's a part of life.

  5. PERSONALIZATION: You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event, which in fact you were not primarily responsible for.

    6. Parents often can fall into this trap: taking responsibility for their children's troubles. Like my client Rebecca. She came to my office in distress one morning: "My poor son Bobby!" she cried. "He's all alone; he's never been married, and it's all my fault!" she declared.

    Now, her son Bobby was 40 years old. And, from what I knew about Bobby, he was someone who wasn't particularly responsible. He didn't like to put out too much effort for anything or anybody: he liked to coast his way through life. Bobby wasn't one to try very hard to cultivate a good relationship with a good woman.

    "Rebecca," I said. "I know that you and your husband did a good job raising Bobby, trying to instill in him good habits, teach him right from wrong. I also know you gave him plenty of exposure to good relationships, and friendships."

    Rebecca knew I was right. She was mistakenly taking responsibility for Bobby's choices.

    Take care not to jump too quickly into feeling responsible for things going wrong around you. If it really is your fault, then own it. But you'll only be hurting yourself if you incorrectly take responsibility for something you didn't cause.


If you're ready to reduce your anxiety and feel relaxed and good about your life, please contact me for a free phone consultation. We can then decide how I may be able to help you with counseling or hypnotherapy for your anxiety, panic attacks, fears or phobias.



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